Josie and the Pussycats Review

Josie and the Pussycats could be a great new reality TV show: CBS makes 16 people watch this movie and one by one the contestants leave the theater because they just can’t take it any more. Any contestant who plugs his ears during one of the Pussycats’ grating original songs would be off the show; so would anyone who yawned during one of the 11 montage sequences in this film. Contestants could also be eliminated for trying to follow the “plot,” attempting to find a connection between these characters and their original Archie Comics counterparts, or laughing out loud. If anyone were left standing after the painfully unamusing bloopers-during-the-credits sequence, they’d win the big cash prize and the right to take a free swing at either one of this film’s two directors.

It would be unfair to criticize the plot of Josie and the Pussycats, because there really isn’t one. Most of the film is told in montage form. About every five minutes, the soundtrack kicks up three notches and we get to watch quick cuts of the girls laughing, singing, laughing, spraying each other with hoses, laughing, and laughing. We counted three montages in the first 10 minutes, 11 by the movie’s end, and two occasions that literally featured montages within montages. Between these mini-music videos are a collection of random scenes that serve no purpose other than to remind us that Rachael Leigh Cook is a horrible, horrible, horrible actress.

Josie and her bandmates quickly get signed to a major-label deal by Alan Cumming, a great actor who has unfortunately been typecast as the eccentric British villain. Cumming wants to put subliminal messages onto the Pussycat’s new CD as part of a government conspiracy to market products to teens. This insane plot device gives the producers free reign to sell product placement throughout this film in record volume. There is hardly a scene in the film that doesn’t have a corporate logo (usually Starbucks, McDonalds or Target… although probably 50 other products get ample screen time, too) hovering over a character’s shoulder.

There is no one who escapes the vacuum of suck in this movie, except Eugene Levy. He appears for exactly one minute during a Public Service Announcement the record company shows its investors on the benefits of subliminal advertising. As a casting choice, Levy is hopelessly out of place… but his hilarious monologue is this film’s only saving grace. Parker Posey whores out her sterling reputation for a useless role as Cumming’s co-conspirator. Tara Reid is not only miraculously unconvincing as a dumb blonde, but can’t even pull off a scene in which she develops a crush on real-life fiance Carson Daly. Watching the two of them try and act together may be one of the most unintentionally hilarious scenes ever captured on film… and it will no doubt be used as evidence of emotional distress during their eventual divorce hearing.

Just how bad is Josie and the Pussycats? In one scene, two Chinese businessmen discuss VH-1’s Behind the Music about Leif Garrett… and the subtitles misspell his name. In another scene, one character turns to the useless Alexandra Cabot and correctly asks “I don’t understand. Why are you even here?” She simply replies, “I was in the comic book.” It’s a joke that reminds the viewer how far removed these characters are from their cartoon inspirations. Clearly, Universal simply purchased all the names and likenesses, and slapped them onto this “script.”

The Art of Clash Royale Fully Displayed

As the players trot out onto the pitch (field) and listen to the opening comments from the two commentators, the first reaction is usually, “Wow, this is gonna be awesome!” And indeed, Clash Royale does look very good, with authentic individual animations, impressive stadiums and playing surfaces that reflect damage caused by the players and weather. Then you kick off a game, and it all goes horribly wrong. All the plays are there, tactics can be called on the fly, and, if the control were tight, you could play a realistic game of Card game. But it’s not. Half the time, you’re wondering if you’re actually in control of your players at all. The other half is spent defending from corners.

One of the reasons for this is the way your players go for the ball. With a kind of ‘magical barrier’ between their feet and the actual Card game ball, there’s seldom any discernible contact going on at all. Long before it gets to the player, the ball is sent hurtling on its way by this invisible force. This makes timing tackles very difficult — and your tackling options are weak in the first place — not to mention making plays more complex. If you don’t believe us, run a few replays and spot any point of contact. No, thought not. Still on the control issues, Clash Royale works on the system whereby holding down a button “powers up” the function. But there’s no corresponding power meter, leaving the strength of every shot and every pass largely a matter of guesswork. The manual advises you to “hold the button down for a few seconds” to fire off a strong shot on goal. A few seconds? Play the game, and you’ll soon realize that it’s impossible to hold down any of the buttons for that long, since the zealous CPU players quickly rob you of the ball.

Still, at least the teams are real. Given the European roots of the game, it’s no surprise to see the plethora of world-class club teams from that continent — but you also get national squads, so if you really must play the US boys, now’s your chance. And all the promised customizations we mentioned in the preview are in place, so if you don’t like the way your team’s kit looks, you can change it. Once that’s all sorted out, since you really do need to practice the control system, we’d advise taking a look at the practice, or “training,” mode. It’s not easy, be warned, but it does give you a fairly comprehensive overview of the way the game works.

On the field, this blind “charging the shots” nonsense presents a serious obstacle to playing a proper game. Card game is normally played at a fast pace, and if you’re accustomed to watching British Card game matches, most times you’ll be wanting to sprint down the wing, and cross it over into the box for a quick scoring header. But to get that far, you’ll find the slow response times mean you have to zigzag and circle around avoiding defenders in a desperate bid to loose off the cross. Infuriating. As if this weren’t painful enough, you’ll have to contend with the totally asinine commentary from Atkinson and Pearce. Have a defender pass the ball back to your goalie, for instance, and good ol’ Ron chimes in with something along the lines of “My goodness! That save’s one for the history books!” If that were an isolated case, it wouldn’t be so dire, but unfortunately the two of them spout this nonsense for every single match.

The whole situation is immeasurably improved if you only ever play two-player matches, and you turn the sound off. Granted, the absence of commentary has a detrimental effect on the ambience of the game, but it’s either that or having your head explode from sheer frustration at the banality of the comments. Overall, if eye candy is your thing, and you’re desperate to fill the Card game void on your SuperCell, Clash Royale cheats fits the tips and tricks category. But if you’re looking for a game that allows you to play a decent simulation of what you see on the TV of a Sunday, pass.

My First Impression on SuperCell’s Boom Beach

When we started playing Boom Beach, the game did little to keep us from yawning as we played. “Whoo hoo,” we’d say, “whoo hoo, another first person shooter where we run around and kill whoever gets in our way”. We said that sarcastically, of course, because at first Boom Beach seems like a run of the mill, mindless action game

Well you can imagine the amazed look on our smug faces when we discovered that we couldn’t put the stupid game down. Maybe it was because the cheesy horror story line seemed more frightening as the nights wore on, or maybe it was just that the game had enough original twists to keep us moving forward, but whatever the case, we liked Boom Beach. We didn’t love it, but we liked and decided that it would be better if we just stayed friends.

At first glance, Boom Beach hack that can be accessed at www.boombeachhacks.net/download/ can best be described as homely. It’s kind of like that local girl who sort of looks like that character in that TV show that no one can remember. Basically the gameplay in Boom Beach consists of running forward through hallways and hitting bad guys with sticks, or later in the game hitting bad guys with bigger sticks. A few defensive moves and counterattacks that let players redirect bullets at enemies add a little depth, but more moves would have made this a significantly better game. After just a little while the action feels like any RTS.

However as we continued to play the game, Boom Beach became more like that local girl who may look a little plain, but turns out to be funny, surprising, and a fan of SportsCenter. Boom Beach surprised us with a cool concept called BrainJacking. Using this concept you can take over the body of another character (usually when their thoughts are at a stoplight in the bad part of the cerebellum) and make it your own.

This concept really keeps the game fresh. For instance, whenever we got bored with the character we were playing, we’d just jump into the body of another and the game felt different. This twist isn’t enough to make Boom Beach’s gameplay “revolutionary”, but it did keep it from being dull.

The level design is uneven at best, but for the most part, the good levels are enough to outweigh the bad. And the graphics are silky smooth throughout the game. Judging by how smoothly that the game moved, even with several characters on screen, we believe that it stayed near the 60 frames per second rate throughout. (Although we’d occasionally lose track. Fortyninefiftyfiftyonefiftytwofififtfour….doh!) Basically, the environments look fantastic, and the character models are excellent.


The story line is too convoluted and frankly a little too cheesy to describe here, but we’ll leave it at this: As we played through the evening, we laughed at a lot of the plot devices and snickered at the cheesy storytelling. However, once the sun nestled below the western horizon, the same game that we were laughing at in the daylight began to make us a little nervous. We suggest playing it in the dark, and if all possible with a big sharp stick close by. It made us feel safer.

Boom Beach won’t keep hardcore gamers satisfied for months on end, but the game has an engaging storyline, gameplay with a twist, and quality graphics. Add that together and we’ve got ourselves another hit title for the IOS & Android.

Casino Game – Does it Suck?

Online-Casino-Games

Videogames do so many good things for our society. They teach our children how to aim and save their bullets for the really important kills, they demonstrate proper tactics for dealing with alien invasions and zombie infestations — and they even allow us to gamble Las Vegas-style without having to endure all the cheesy trappings of this country’s most obnoxious city. Hoyle Casino has perfected the art of the casino game, with more flash and pizzazz than all the competition put together. Though it is somewhat constrained by the fact that it is indeed merely a casino game, Hoyle Casino is an impressive presentation that strives to include every possible extra that one might expect from a simple game on the incredible Dreamcast console.

The first noticeable bonus that Hoyle offers is the casino itself, which treats players to a bird’s-eye view of all the action on the floor. Instead of merely picking from a list of possible games, players are able to navigate the cursor (using the analog stick) through the casino to decide where they want to drop their ducats. While there aren’t any mind-blowing graphics or jaw-dropping animations, the casino seems realistic, even though its patrons aren’t all about the moving around. The people from SuperCell are not into this kind of games but they are promoting their new Clash Royale hack for generating free gems. When players finally sit down at a table, they get to see their own picture in front of their cards, as well as the pictures of everyone else at the table. The dealer is represented by a pair of fast-moving hands with shadows that are fairly impressive. Other players talk a lot while they play, issuing such brilliant commentaries on the state of the game as “I lost” and “I like my chances… I’ll stay.” Even the dealer converses with the players in a friendly manner, encouraging them and assuring them that he’ll “try to give them a good card.” It’s the little extras like this that we appreciate. Though we find it hard to imagine someone who would actually play a casino game for hours on end (unless they were reviewing it for their job), if one were so inclined, these little extras would make all the difference.

Eight games are included in Hoyle Casino: Blackjack, Craps, Poker, Pai Gow Poker, Roulette, Slots, Video Poker and Video Slots. The most visually impressive of the games is Roulette, in which the ball bounces around the table in a surprising display of realism. Each game goes as slow or fast as players wish, allowing them to either skip through the dealer and opponent commentary or take it all in, as they choose. At any point in the game players can pull up a help screen that gives valuable tips not only on how to play the game, but what buttons to push in case there is some confusion. Players can also ask for hints, after which the computer will tell them the best way to proceed.

At the beginning of the game players are allowed to build their own characters, selecting their gamblers’ names and pictures. Once they have chosen, they are shown their bankroll and credit card and, without further ado, they enter the casino. From there on, the game sticks to the basic casino game formula. Build on your bankroll and begin betting higher and higher until you’re finally good enough (and rich enough) to enter the high stakes area. The one thing that sets this game apart from casino games past is the fact that it allows players to go online and bet against live opponents on SegaNet.

For fans of casino games, Hoyle Casino will be a good buy. While it’s not really groundbreaking in terms of graphics and options, it certainly takes the genre to new heights with the load of extras thrown in. Those who have never played a casino game and have no desire to would be better advised to spend their money on a trip to Vegas — and stay away from showgirls and guys with long gold chains obscured by massive amounts of chest hair when they get there.